Now, I know what you are all thinking....
we ALL appreciate our parents...sure we do, but we also expect them to be at our beckoned call. We expect our mothers to always fix things and I guess we all sort of feel that we "own" our parents. Of course, we are all human and every generation blames the one before (as the song goes), and on becoming an adult there also comes responsibility. Mothers tend to feel responsible for their offspring for their entire lives, taking on their pain as if itwere their own hurt. I am talking about realising the selfless devotion that a mother has - and not just in humans, animals, birds etc all nurture and care for their children.
By their very nature, mothers nurture and protect, feed, care and go without to ensure their offspring are okay, while fathers tend to show their love by providing, lovingly protecting, Teaching and generally getting to do lots of fun things like sport. It is a completely different type of caring and both are, in their own way wonderful.
Often mum spends all day cleaning, caring, cooking and taking care of the mundane things and in generations gone by, raising the kids was their full time job. These days, many mum's juggle work and parenthood with wonderful success. I, myself worked full time and also did 5 years(or so) of university by correspondence when my kids were in their teens, so I know it is not easy and it is a struggle for any woman to balance home and work and keep a little bit of sanity!!
But...let's get back to my epiphany....
there is no one (and I mean no one) who stacks up when it comes to caring about you. in my opinion.
I had 3 children under 4 years of age. My mum didn't drive, was on the pension, suffered from very bad health and lived close to an hour away, but when she made her usual "checking up on me" phone call, if she thought I wasn't okay, or I really needed help, she would get some things together, raid her kitchen cupboards for treats for us, call a taxi and come - no matter how sick SHE might have been, I was more important.
If only I had appreciated how much of a struggle that was for her. (and she did the same things for all of us) Of course, I was always terribly grateful to her for her help and even though she wasn't able to do much, it was the moral support that meant the world to me. Mum would always "hold the baby" so I could clean, shop or attend to another child's needs, especially when one of them was sick.
When my mother died, it left a hole that could never (and I really didn't want it to be) filled.
So now that my own children are all grown I have had plenty of time to reflect on the years gone by.
My mother didn't have money -- far, far from it! She struggled so much, her entire life, and in fact, when she passed away, my sisters and I not only paid for her funeral, but all her outstanding debts as well. That was definitely not a burden and we were all glad to do it as mum deserved to have a "clean slate" if you know what I mean.
Mum's love was shown every time she went without, for us kids. Every time she jumped in that taxi to come and help me. Every time she rang me and listened while I cried to her about how hard my life was, or how tired I was, or how bad my migraines were she would say, "it's alright darlin' I know" and talk to me for as long as I needed her. (In hindsight, how selfish of me to complain about my life, when I had a beautiful home and healthy children and mum had nothing and lived in a housing commission flat with barely room to swing a cat..)
Every bag of yummy biscuits like Venetians, Chocolate Monte or Timtam that she bought especially to bring to me as a treat or a bow of Darrell Lea chocolates that I am sure she couldn't afford and would have loved to eat herself! The little chocolates that my kids waited for. My son will remember the special lunches when we took mum to Westfield at Parramatta, to a little coffee shop called 'Reggies' and mum would order Grilled Cheese and Bacon fingers for him because she knew he loved them!
Mum was very gentle and softly spoken. But she was, as I have told you all before, incredibly strong and she taught me to be proud as well as being kind and gentle. Mum rarely, if ever raised her voice (and never her hand!) to us and taught me to be the same.
Mum had a beautiful voice and in her young days, actually sang in the Sydney Town Hall! Yes, the very same place where I played my violin, many years later! But she gave all that up to be a wife and mother.
 |
| Mum and her sister Lucy |
 |
| Mum on her wedding day, 27th March, 1943 (her 21st birthday) |
Yes, the world is a very different place now and many of the gentle arts have sadly faded into the background, in favour of possessions and technology. Kindness and gentleness is seen as weakness and the loud and forceful prey on kindness.
Unfortunately,I still need to work full time (and then some) but I try to sew and make things for the grandbabies and as my mother taught me, money is not always the gift of love, as some people think, but it is the time, the true selfless care and the devotion that should be cherished. It is thinking, with love about someone, every day and wishing them nothing but happiness. It is wishing you could take their pain, take their sorrow so they don't have to endure it. Most importantly, it is not gloating about those thoughts and feelings to anyone, but instead, keeping them private and nurturing them, almost as if you are willing them to be so, as if those wishes and dreams, if spoken would evaporate into thin air, so you keep them safe and hidden inside your heart.
I know now that my mother thought that way.
When my mother died, I lost my true best friend. She always defended me, no matter if I was right or wrong. I will always regret the times when we were not as close as we could have been, or didn't see eye to eye, but I know that even then, I was always in her thoughts. If only I had realised so many years earlier, just how much she adored me and my children.
On this Mother's Day, as with every single one in the 18 years since mum died, I tell her silently how much I love her and how much I appreciated what she did for me.
On Sunday, just sit and think about all the selfless things your mother has done for you. Exclude "she bought me..." but perhaps the think about all the times that she dropped what she was doing to pick you up.... or she cooked a fabulous feast at the drop of a hat, or she gave you her favourite recipes in a book...you get what I mean.
For all the nights she nursed you when you were sick...
For all the nights she has sat up and worried about you when you didn't come home....
For all the nights she has cried for you because you were sad....
For all the times she let you vent at her....
For all the times she listened to your miseries and she sympathised with you and gave you hope....
For all the love she gave you and all the things she taught you to be...
For the fact that she let you go to have your own life when she would have much rather kept you close to her....
Cherish those thoughts for a moment.
I hope you all have a lovely day on Sunday.
No comments:
Post a Comment