Tomorrow is my Mother's birthday. If she was still alive, she would be turning 89!
Elizabeth Joan Mary Evans (nee Graham) was born on 27 the March, 1922. Second daughter of Mary Gladys Graham (nee Crombie) and Andrew Philip Graham.
Mum had two sisters, Lucy Jane and Margaret Anne Moya (Nancy).
My Auntie Nancy died from a burst appendix and subsequent peritonitis when she was 9 years old.
This time of year is always so hard for me because not only is it Mum's birthday, but it is also close to the time of year when Mum died.
Every 8th of April is probably the worst day of the year for me as I will never forget that terrible day almost 18 years ago when Mum went away forever.
Mum had been operated on 6 weeks earlier for bowel cancer and had been recovering well. What we didn't know at the time was that she had contracted legionnaires disease from the aircon in the intensive care unit.(we didn't find that out until after the autopsy)
Two days earlier, We had taken the kids to see her in hospital in the evening at Westmead hospital.
Mum was not herself and I knew something wasn't right because she couldn't handle the kids being in the room and she was sure the nurses were up to no good.
I found out later that they had been giving her morphine etc for pain and she was hallucinating.
I tried to get her to eat her dinner but she wasn't interested and thought I was conspiring with the nurses and doctors against her. I was so terribly upset when we left the hospital, not knowing it would be the last time she would ever speak to me...
The next day, I was tossing up whether to go over to see her and my sister Jacki rang me. She said not to go, as I had so much housework and washing to do, that she would go and not to worry.
Well, that night Mum went into a coma. The hospital rang my sister Jenny who stayed with Mum all night. I got a call 7am just after I got to work. It was the day before good friday so work was chaotic, but that was furthest from my mind.
I jumped in the car and took off. When I arrived at the hospital, all my sisters and their husbands, my Auntie Lucy and my cousin Kath were there. Mum was all hooked up to machines breathing for her, drips etc and she didn't even know I was there. I wished my children were with me, so they could support me and say goodbye to their grandmother. I felt very alone that day even though all my sisters were there.
I couldn't admit that she was dying and the wonderful nurses were by her side the whole time. We all sat with Mum, talked to her, held her hands, even though she didn't respond and I can still see her lying there...
By about 2pm we were told they had to turn off the machine that was keeping her breathing.
That was so hard to do and just thinking about it now makes it almost impossible for me to breathe...
Mum hung on for about 2 hours after the machine was switched off. We all sat with her until right at the end. The nurses told us to leave the room while they took out all the tubes etc so she could go in peace without all the invasiveness of the machinery. We all said goodbye....
I couldn't go back in at the end. My niece Tammy and (I think my brother-in-law Rick) went in. Tammy said she couldn't let Mum be by herself and to this day, I am so proud of Tammy. I should have been in there, but it just hurt too much. I couldn't see her die. Some days the guilt of not going in there to be with her is so bad I can't bear it.
I miss her so much every day....
Happy birthday, Mum I love you xxx
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